If so, you -- and possibly Captain Kirk -- are the target audience for brothel owner Dennis Hof's newest Southern Nevada business venture.
The reality television star and outspoken sex merchant recently bought a rundown bordello 90 miles northwest of Las Vegas and unveiled plans to renovate and reopen it with a science fiction theme.
He is calling it Alien Cathouse and promising "girls from another world."
Hof has turned to an old friend to plan the costumes and decor: Hollywood Madam turned Pahrump resident Heidi Fleiss.
"She's the chief alien design queen," he said.
Hof purchased the brothel and adjacent gas station, bar and convenience store on U.S. Highway 95 from notorious longtime Nye County brothel owner Maynard "Joe" Richards.
The store is being rebranded as the Area 51 Alien Travel Center and will feature its own line of merchandise emblazoned with little green men and women.
It's all an attempt to cash in on the property's location just south of the federal installation formerly known as the Nevada Test Site -- though nowhere near the actual Area 51.
Hof, whose Moonlite Bunny Ranch east of Carson City is the setting for a long-running HBO reality show, expanded his adult empire into Southern Nevada last year when he bought Richards' two brothel properties in the tiny town of Crystal, north of Pahrump.
With his latest acquisition, Hof now holds five brothel licenses, the most ever by a single owner. He hopes to add one or two more in the near future.
"Unless they're married, I don't want anyone in Nevada having sex unless I get a cut of the money," he said with a laugh.
Only one of Hof's two brothels in Crystal is open for business. The other is still awaiting a face-lift, but that work is on hold until Hof and Fleiss can find a cable network -- possibly Cinemax -- willing to turn the renovation into a reality show.
All the rooms at the new place will be spacious suites, Hof said.
"They just did this 14 months ago," Hof said. "The only change is I made $2 million. I can't see the problem there."
Nye County Sheriff Tony DeMeo isn't expecting any complications either.
"He is in a very unique position," DeMeo said of Hof.
Nevada is the only state that allows houses of prostitution. About two dozen licensed brothels operate in seven rural counties. Three other counties allow them but don't have any right now.
Prostitution is illegal in the state's population centers of Clark and Washoe counties.
Hof's alien theme is already well past the probing stage, but important details -- whether the working women will be painted green, for example -- are still being decided.
When Hof talks about the idea, it comes out sounding like a series of bumper-sticker slogans: "Sex from another planet" and "Alien Cathouse girls do it different," to name a few.
He did confirm one thing: There will be alien costumes made for employees at the travel center and the women in the brothel.
Hof's plans are already getting rave reviews from at least one industry expert.
George Flint is a Reno wedding chapel owner who lobbies on behalf of Nevada's licensed brothels. He thinks a brothel with a space alien theme is a great idea, and he thinks Hof might be just the guy to pull it off at a time when most Nevada brothels are barely scraping by.
Flint used to dislike the self-anointed "pimp-master general" and his headline-grabbing antics, but he has developed a new respect for Hof.
"There are times he still scares my diaper off," Flint said, "but he has a stamina that's hard for me to believe."
Alien Sex, Extraterrestrial Cathouse Opens, Brothel Has Girls From Another World